Welcome to the Unhinged Christmas Blanket CAL!
I decided (very last minute) to put together an interlocking crochet Christmas blanket full of the kind of holiday cheer your conservative Christian parents definitely won’t approve of.

Content Warning:
This CAL will include adult humor, irreverent themes, profanity, sexual innuendo and Rated-R holiday nonsense.

If you want a wholesome Hallmark-movie blanket, this is not that.
If you want to laugh, this is absolutely that.

Using a 5 mm hook and worsted weight yarn, the final blanket will be approximately 5 ft by 5 ft.

This listing is for the December 1, 2025 square:
“Abstinence - 99.99% effective”

This square is available for free on my website, but you may also purchase it here as a standalone pattern or as part of the full CAL.

New squares release daily between December 1–25 (before 5 PM CST)

Bundle Discounts:
This pattern is eligible for automatic percentage-off savings with the purchase of other squares from the 2025 Unhinged Christmas CAL:

Buy 2 squares → 10% off

Buy 3 squares → 20% off

Buy 5 squares → 30% off

Discounts apply automatically at checkout when you purchase multiple Unhinged Christmas squares.

If you’re buying several, it will be more cost-effective to purchase the full CAL for $15, which includes all 30 designs.

If you purchase the complete CAL:

Optional joining instructions will be added on December 25

Possible bonus squares may appear (because I cannot be stopped)

If you have a sense of humor (or want to piss off your relatives),
you’re in the right place.