“Wait, wait,” Maria screamed. “I still love you, I promise; you can’t go outside now—look at the lightning, it would be suicide!”
—But it was too late. He wouldn’t listen as he ran forward into the rainstorm. It was dark and he stumbled through the muddy yarn and into the looming, dilapidated barn. He had expected it to be dark, but something glowing and green glimmered faintly in the corner, shining with an intense hunger like nothing he had ever witnessed before. It was utterly silent for a split second, and then with a rumbling sound, vaguely like “YARG!” the zombie sheep were upon him. In a writhing mass of matted wool and stringy shambling shapes of gore, the zombie sheep sunk their long teeth into his body, chewing his flesh into itsy bitsy pieces until there was nothing left.
—Because zombie sheep are undefeatable. They are everywhere, they could be hiding behind any mailbox, any piano, any bakery… and nothing can protect you, not even an antique Spartan battle helmet.
—This cuddly knitted version is a slightly toned-down version of the typical zombie sheep, because this knitted variety have acquired a new and useful skill: patience. Knit up one of these cute little stuffies; carry him around in your pocket; let him sleep next to you on your pillow; it may be weeks, months, even years before he decides to become vicious and eat you in tiny, ripping bites, piece by piece until there’s nothing left of you but your antique Spartan battle helmet.