It’s 2014. Mom and I are in Barnes & Noble, looking at the knitting magazines. I have found that I have a great appreciation for the World Cup, especially the Netherlands team (because COME ON, they are awesome!!! plus Mom is three-quarters Dutch or something like that). So naturally, when we see this thing saying “Woolly World Cup! Your Exclusive Toy Knitting Pattern,” I say, “Mommy, can we get that?” And Mom’s like “YES!” Then we get home and I cast on with some neon super-soft acrylic and knit until like 9:30 at night and the rest… is Robben.

The pattern was a little confusing at first until Mom assured me that it was stockinette knitted flat, not garter stitch in the round. (Of course, the pictures do not even resemble garter stitch in the round, so I have no idea what was wrong with me anyways.) To make it bigger, I used 10 ply (worsted/aran weight) yarn and size 5 needles. The football player was originally supposed to be sewn onto a glove, so it had no pattern for the back or legs. I just made another back and sewed it on, opting to make it a stuffie instead of a puppet because, as my clear-sighted neighbor put it, “You’re basically sticking your fingers down its butt.” Which is true, even though that’s part of the genius of the pattern: they can walk! It’s like Foosball for your hands! I also completely made up a leg pattern, which is this:
Cast on 16 stitches
Knit 3 rows of stockinette
Join the sock color yarn, purl two rows
Knit a row, purl two rows again
knit a row and purl a row seven times (that’s fourteen rows altogether)
Bind off!

Then I seamed the legs and the “boots” (that is the best name for soccer shoes, it’s adorable!) together and sewed them to the shorts. I embroidered this awful “Robben 11” onto the jersey’s back and an “11” onto the jersey’s front, and voila! Instant Robben! (Well, not exactly instant, but seven hours of dedicated knitting and sewing. Close enough.)