And the Horse You Rode in on
This is the companion pattern to The Bird socks (sorry, shamelessly using one pattern to promote another).
When my friends saw me working on the pattern for the socks, several of them asked me to adapt the pattern for the mitts. I really didn’t get it - the point of the socks is that they are basically hidden, so the message is there for all the times you want to say “fuck you and the horse you rode in on” but can’t. The mitts are a lot less subtle (although I agree that there are times when you want to flip someone the bird, but can’t let go of what’s in your hands in order to do so). Nonetheless, since the pattern is obvious, I feel the need to warn people to use some discretion in wearing these: there are a lot of douchebags out there who really don’t have a sense of humor.
The mitts are knit stranded, with 64 stitches. Some familiarity with stranded knitting is suggested. Sizing can be altered by changing needle size. If the mitts are being made for a person with large hands, the chart from the socks (link above) can be used. The pattern is charted.
This pattern uses about 25g (120 yards) of the main color (in this case, light blue) and about 17g (80 yards) of the contrasting color (in this case, black).
Some people may find this objectionable; to those people, I apologize. I have tagged this pattern as “mature” so that it can be avoided by people who prefer that mitts retain a certain purity of character.
I used Knit Picks sock yarn for this. It remains my go-to, workhorse sock yarn. I apologize to any of the good folks at Knit Picks who may not appreciate their fine yarn being promoted by a profane mitt.
If you want to print off this pattern and give it to someone else without asking me first, that is fine with me (if you sell someone this free pattern, though, I would be mad that you’d rip someone off like that). I also believe that you have the right to sell any item that you make from this pattern, so if you make these mitts and want to sell them, it’s your hard work - please go ahead and do so. Just do us both proud and sell them for a shitload of money. My ego demands that you not claim this pattern as your own, and that you give me a little credit somewhere.