Some people (around the world!) are disgusted with the current state of affairs, particularly the way – to put it crudely – Russia is fucking America up the ass. (I apologize to ordinary Russian citizens. This is not about you.)

Others of us just like emoji. And fruits and vegetables.

(For those going “huh?”, lemme ‘splain. No, there is too much; let me sum up. In emoji slang, eggplant is often used to represent male dangly bits, and peach is often used to represent fleshy hind areas. In this pattern I am of course entirely just talking about fruits and veggies, not dicks and asses.)

This pattern is not a beginner pattern. I do not explain how to do the colorwork (mostly intarsia) or any techniques. Also note: As of the time of publishing, the pattern has not been tested, and is conceptual only. Knit at your own risk.

The chart is provided under a Creative Commons Attribution License. In plain English, this means you may: use, share, distribute, modify, imitate, adapt, fold, spindle, mutilate, etc., with the only requirement being that you attribute me as the creator.